How to Accidentally Invent a New Cardio Program
Last night’s run included bats, snakes, and one very bad decision…
Last night I learned two things:
Running at dusk is a terrible idea.
Nature has a very dark sense of humor.
Here’s the full story.
I had an evening meeting, which meant my usual run got bumped. No problem, I thought. I’ll just run down to Dixie Farm Forest Park, do a lap, and head back. Smart. Efficient. Healthy. Right?
Except it was 8pm when I left. Still light outside, sure, but by the time I reached the park it was basically “horror-movie o’clock.”
“Whatever,” I told myself. “I’m already here, just one lap. What could go wrong?”
The Bats Arrive
Halfway around the loop, the trail went full blackout. Out of nowhere, bats started dive-bombing my head. Not one, not two—like a whole cast of Dracula extras who thought I was the buffet.
I waved my arms frantically. Pretty sure I looked like a castaway on a deserted island trying to wave down a passing ship.
And Then… The Snakes
As if the bats weren’t enough, suddenly the ground started moving.
Snakes.
Suddenly, I channeled Indiana Jones from Raiders of the Last Ark, “Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?”
They’re everywhere!
Crossing the trail.
One after another.
I counted six. SIX!
Big ones, small ones, all equally terrifying. And of course, they positioned themselves with military precision: some in front of me, some behind me. A perfect trap.
Survival Mode Activated
So yeah, forget my carefully planned run/walk intervals. This instantly became:
Warm-up: 2 mile jog to friendly Dixie Farm Forest Park
Main set: 0.5 miles of panicked bat-dodging
Finisher: 1 mile sprint fueled by snake-induced terror
Congratulations to me—I just invented Fear Fitness™. Coming soon to a treadmill near you.
The Escape
Luckily, the trail back home was snake-free. I staggered in the door sweaty, out of breath, and proud… mostly for still having both legs attached.
So if you’re looking for a new training program, may I recommend “Run Like Hell Intervals.” Not great for recovery, but excellent for storytelling.